Who is assdef?Edit

Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he was present at the Battle of Hastings.

Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks horizontally.

Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.

Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him.

Some say that he is personal friends with TomSka, and that he once punched a horse to the ground.

Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark.

Some say he has a digital face, and that he’s successfully programmed a clock on a VCR.

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.

Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells.

Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by escalators.

Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world if you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts.

Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for a thousand days.

Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that his laughter makes children cry tears of joy.

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.

Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch.

Some say that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that he can impregnate a woman just by looking at her.

Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve.

Some say his scrotum has its own small gravity field.

Some say he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that after making love, he bites the head of his partner

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal.

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes.

Some say one of his legs gets longer when he sees a pretty lady.

....all we know is that he's called assdef.

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